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The Chinese Herbalist

The Chinese Herbalist

A man with an embarrassing condition walks into a bar one day, sad and depressed. He orders a shot, then another, and then another. Finally, the bartender asks him “hey, what’s wrong buddy?”. The man replies, “I’ve got this really embarrassing condition, and no doctor has ever been able to figure out how to cure it”. The bartender says “well, why don’t you tell me about it?”.

“Ok”, says the man, “you see…..whenever I fart, it comes out HONNNNNDA!!!”. I’ve tried everything; changed my diet, stopped drinking beer and eating beans…everything!”.

The bartender says “have you tried Chinese herbal medicine?”.

“No”, says the man, incredulous but nonetheless interested.

“Well”, says the bartender, “there’s a Chinese herbalist right around the corner; it wouldn’t hurt to give him a shot”.

So, the man goes to see the Chinese herbalist and tells him all about his problem. “Ahhh…very interesting problem but I think I know what is wrong”, says the herbalist, “you have an abscess in your tooth and you must go to the dentist”.

Well, the man hasn’t seen a dentist in years and is reluctant to go, but he decides he has to do something about his farts. After his exam, the dentist informs him that,  yes indeed,  he has an abscess. The dentist performs the surgery to fix the abscess, and the man’s farts return to normal. “This is miraculous!”, thinks the man. He goes back to the herbalist to find out how he could possibly know that he had an abscess. “Ah…” says the herbalist”, “ancient Chinese proverb! Abscess make the fart go honda!”.

 


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Donald Trump visits an elementary school

Donald Trump visits an elementary school

Donald Trump is visiting an elementary school and enters one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks Mr. Trump if he would like to lead the discussion of the word “tragedy.” He agrees to participate and asks the class for an example of a tragedy.

One little boy stands up and offers: “If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy.” “No,” replies Mr. Trump, “that would be an accident.”

A little girl raises her hand: “If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.” “I’m afraid not,” explains the exalted businessman. “That’s what we would call a great loss.”

The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. Mr. Trump searches the room. “Is there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?” Finally, at the back of the room, a quiet little boy named Johnny raises his hand. He says: “If a private jet carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.” “Fantastic!” exclaims Mr. Trump, “That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?” “Well,” says the boy, “because it sure as hell wouldn’t be a great loss, and it probably wouldn’t be an accident either.”


The Chinese Herbalist

A man with an embarrassing condition walks into a bar one day, sad and depressed. He...
article post

Donald Trump visits an elementary school

Donald Trump is visiting an elementary school and enters one of the classes. They are in...
article post
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